Awkward

   

So I am an awkward mom at age 51, it may seem funny to some and maybe some of you can relate to my story. I feel like I am back in the high school halls where everyone judges your hairstyle, your skin type, your clothes, and yes even your parenting style. You decided to have a baby at age forty and now the mom's groups are for the twenty-somethings scene and children under seven. You really need the companionship and a place for your child to fit in but no one seems to want you or your child. In 2011 I started going to a fun little homeschool group just so I could talk to other mothers and my daughter who has Aspergers could be exposed to other children even if they were younger. I met a few moms but, again in their early twenties and either pregnant or toting a toddler around. I tried fitting into their world but it was like trying to fit into the popular girl's group they were so clicky and really we had nothing in common.I was fortunate, however, to go to a function in Duluth where some kids were playing in a huge fountain in the town center. Little ones were screaming and excitedly running in and out trying to not get too wet teasing brothers and sisters to chase them.It looked like a lot of fun and I knew Maddy would love participating.As I sat there I noticed another mom whose daughter looked a bit younger than mine and we got to talking.After some ice cream and lots of giggling, I invited them to swim at our neighborhood pool later that summer. After many play dates, the girls seemed to get along well and we did a few things more together picnics, park dates ect. I really like the mom even though we were clearly ten years apart in age, she had been going through a few heartaches at home and I was there as a friendly ear for her. We were connected on Facebook too so we could check out what was going on in one another lives, see pictures and get invites to the homeschool functions. Everything was going well until I decided one day to get off Facebook, I was being challenged business wise on the site and received disturbing things. I made an announcement I was getting off and said if you need me please text or phone me.I thought I was being cordial and that everyone including my friends would understand, that was the furthest thing from the truth. This same person took it personally and thought I was dissing her and her daughter.She yelled at me stating I had hurt them and that I had lost her daughter's trust. I was shocked, I had clearly written and told people that they could call me or text me anytime that it was nothing personal. She had never tried to call me or text me she just assumed I was a bad person, I apologized and invited them for a swim and a picnic I wanted to make it up to them and told her I was very sorry this was awkward for me and I was very nervous. I paid for everything including fruit, cheese, mini sandwiched etc.I wanted them to feel like they were appreciated and that I meant what I said. As I sat there alone with her at the pool it was the most awkward few hours I have ever experienced.She talked to me only if I asked her questions and she acted like I was a stranger, I couldn't believe this was the same person who had opened up to me and confided in me like we were sisters. Our daughters in the pool had fun but her daughter acted very snobbishly to my daughter when they were getting ready to leave. Remember this was all because I had gotten off Facebook. I have never heard from her since it still shocks me to this day and it still bothers me although I don't let it ruin my day. This would not be the last time it would happen though, Stupidly I got back on Facebook mainly because my older children wanted to share things with me and my youngest son is a musician and he wanted me to keep up with his band. After a few months, I decided to start a homeschool writing club for children ages ten to fourteen. I wanted to encourage my own daughter to write more and to have fun with kids her own age. We had a few people interested and one family had children my daughter's age which thrilled me. We had six months of fun and crafts and even sleepovers with this family. I considered this mom a close friend and we talked about many things including the children, I thought I could trust her to be a good friend and I was glad I had found her. I think at the time she was happy she had me as a friend too and our daughters needed each other because both girls had a hard time with making friends because of the Asperger's. I made the mistake however of telling the mom that her daughter had hurt my daughter's feelings and I just wanted her to know. I also said that if my daughter had ever hurt her daughter's feelings please let me know that I didn't allow meanness in our family. I couldn't believe it when she sent me a list of things I never knew about all in a text. I was shocked at some of them such as my daughter was violent and had broken her daughter's doll's head while she spent the night at our house or that my daughter yelled at her daughter about turning off a lamp at their house. I never saw a doll and I never heard an argument, I did ask my daughter to tell me if she had seen a doll or if they had not gotten along and she said no. Now I know many of you may think well your daughter may be lying and you could be right except that in our daughters Asperger's case she tells on herself all the time. It's like she has an honest button that switches on if something does happen she will cry and come hang on me.We will talk and she will tell me whatever has happened.She has done this since she was about three and I think it is a good trait to have. I tried talking to the mother more but she said she could not talk to me on the phone she was on the Asperger's spectrum and she couldn't handle conflict. I really was kind and said I just wanted to talk to her more about all the things she had said and wanted to get each of the girl's stories. I ended up emailing her back and forth several times and she just told me how awful my child was making excuses for her child. I kept thinking to my awkward self, why then did you keep coming to book club and why when it was just her and I didn't she say how she felt? Now mind you I tried to be a good friend to this family, I knew they didn't have much and would treat her and her four kids to lunch once in a while, I also brought them to our pool several times to play and hang out, we spent a lot of time at the park and the bookstore.I ended up apologizing to the mom and took all the blame even though I never did anything it was yet again another awkward moment in my life.I don't like people to be angry with me and I can't understand why this keeps happening, I have friends back in Louisiana who have been in my life for over twenty years and we never had disputes or misunderstandings like I am having here. I have a friend in Tennessee who has had my daughter at her house for two weeks straight with her family and has never seen any of the actions that were told to me by the friend in the book club. Her daughter and mine met through pen pal letters and we see each other twice a month, her daughter comes here and my daughter goes there for a week or two at a time. I have never had any problems with this wonderful family at all, I just wish they lived closer. I find with my youngest daughter it had been harder to make friends, I am not certain if it is the times we live in or if the people who we attract just aren't meant to be in our lives. When my other kids were small it was so much easier to make friends and to talk about anything and everything, nowadays you have to watch what you say and really think about how someone may react even if you are trying to be a Godly woman and do the right things.I wish I could just be me and people could accept me for who I am and stop being so defensive when you try to talk to them about problems that arise.